Attention, young persons of Yindia!
Yes, you right there, with the repository of Whatsapp forwards consisting mostly of heart-kiss-puppy permutations.
And you, in the corner, texting “muaaaaahs” so fast you just caused a cyclone in Jakarta.
And YOU, dejected young man, with fantasies involving a getaway car, a registrar office and a bank loan.
Are you in love?
Would your parents suffer an aneurysm if they found out?
Clearly, you kooky kids are intercaste! Or interreligion. Or interregional. Or inter-societalstatus. Or inter-our-ancestors-preferred-different-pajama-naada-sizes.
Or maybe you’re one of those silly New-Gen ninnies who feel horrified at the idea that one wedding costs more money than three trips to Starbucks.
But fear not, my brave young dunderheads. Fear not!
This Valentine’s day, skip the flowers and the Dairy milks. Skip the theater back seats and the overpriced popcorn. Skip the awkwardness and her military dad’s hunting rifle. Grab your significant smushface and walk confidently up to the nearest Hindu Mahasabha representative, and watch as they effortlessly accomplish what you’ve been struggling to gather up the canards to do.
That’s right. They will MARRY. You. Two. The. Eff. Off.
This V-day, come and have justice served to you on a silver thaali! Your friendly neighborhood Mahasabha Man will frequent coffee shops and movie halls, and comes pre-armed with sindoor and mangalsutra combo packs. Just walk right up to him, (easily identifiable by the horns) or let his team find you, using cutting-edge technology that tracks disruptions in the parampara-sanskaar continuum.
When you do find one, make it easier for him to identify you by letting him know your intentions. Normally, a casual hug with your ladylove would do. But if you want to be extra cooperative and get this done with ASAP, channel your inner Hashmi, and just go for it my man.
Enjoy your wedded bliss!
- Currently Mahasabha Man will be offering his marital-maker services only in UP. Based on its success, the program will be extended to more states.
- Additional honeymoon planner package available at no extra charge! Just bring along photos of your Vaishno Devi trip or know all the steps to ‘Love Charger’.
- For a paltry sum, you can get a mini team of Mahasabha Men to escort you over to your homes post marriage. Let’s see your parents oppose THAT. #HowYouLikethemAnaars